Winnie the Poo..

Iam Winnie The POO

You know I've always been the black sheep of the family. I was always the one with strongly held you strong beliefs when compared to everyone else. I was the one who thought strange thoughts, had weird ideas, admitted to bizarre possibilities. I saw things differently from everyone, even my best friends.i was never one conform to the norm.

While in my teens, while everyone's hormones were running wild, I was the calm and cool one. Sure I'de get into emotional situations but I always approached them in a cold and logical manner. There were lines you could cross and if you were a male then we had to fight, regardless of temper, a fight was called for. Other lines were crossed by female friends, But they were never a part of me. They were actions that were called for by some weird code I lived. None of them touched me emotionally. Down to actions that have shaped my life ever since, not a one of them touched me, not the me who lived inside.

Sure I could fake the attitude, the excitement or whatever emotion was required. I could make the proper facial expressions and body movements, I could spout the right words, I could even bring light to my eyes when needed, most of the time anyway. But nothing ever touched me, the real me.

I lived my life that way, with that feeling and outlook, for 20 years. Well that's not completely true. My fathers death touched the real me, the real grief, one way down deep inside. The one who thinks the world provides endless opportunities, that each one should be explored looking for the light inside each, and when you loose someone so close to you you realise that life is sometimes not what you really plans it to be..

But they're all that ever really touched me until my 24th year. I had a hell of a year that year,Last year and  I turned really, really bad. My swings were beyond extremes and i was never sane. It was a year from hell, all except for one shining star that lit my way through that ugly year. That one single star was all I needed to make it through that year, i had her my soul mate Sahar until she was taken away from me..it has been almost 3 months now, the pain is still the same and i do miss her every single day, but i learned alot from my Sahar one of them that  really life is too short, and that we should show our emotions and feelings to the people we love and care, becouse as she used to say to me Diwa Life is too short, take charge of it, Live it before it lives you up..

To be honest, when i think about this all and feel that  I've got it so much more under control. That's it, I'VE got it under control. And since I reached that point but have lost my star  has gone dark. But if I close my eyes and look then I can still see her.. 

She gives me strength every day. It comes with a price and that price is pain.